Don't let it destroy you. Let it empower you.

Who knows me knows I'm a writer. 

I started writing original stories when I was 12..so it's gonna be 10 years soon..ahhh.

I've been thinking about why I started writing about Liz (aka my protagonist. She's a pediatric benign hematologist who  trained in Boston and moved back home to Southern California after her husband passed. She has 3 kids. In the past she has suffered from depression and anxiety and one of her biggest passion and commitments is to advocate for children's mental health).

I've come to the conclusion that I did that to deal with feelings of loneliness and self loathing that started haunting me when I was in junior high.

The other kids were mean to me. 

They treated me like a burden and a bother because of my CP. 

I was always on my own and would make people copy my homework to earn their love.

As the time went by,I got more and more convinced I was someone worth hating. That there was something inside me that pushed people away.

I started hating myself. 

So I thought I would create a better version of myself. 

Someone who represented everything I wanted to become and more.

That's who Liz is.  

To my dismay when I am stressed or down I get angry at myself because I am not "her" yet. 

When I find myself slipping into this stupid self pity  thing,I try to stop and think rationally. 

Here is what I try to tell myself.

- I cannot be the adult super cool version of her yet.

I'm 22.

-She struggled too. I write openly about both her struggles and my own,in order to deal with them.

Struggling is normal.

-Not even her(aka the person I wanna become) is always perfect or beautiful or always has everything together.

So why the heck should I be?

-I created her starting from a mix of who I was and who I want to become. 

I am not exactly her yet. That's okay.

Strive for progress,not perfection.

Cherish every little accomplishment,every little tiny baby step.

One way or another..it will be worth it.

.

.

Now I wanna tell you something. Whether you are a writer or  just someone with big goals and dreams,whether you are a pre med,a doctor,a pre law student,an athlete..a person with a big project for his or her life..listen up.

If you too have an "Elizabeth" (aka the future version of yourself you're striving to become. I gave her a name because I happen to like writing. Yours might not have a name,or might just be called like you..it's you after all!) in your life,that's okay. 

That's great.

It helps to have precise goals for your life. 

But please..never get angry at yourself because you're not that person yet.

Please never hate yourself because you're not there yet.

Please let that person empower you. 

Don't let it destroy you.