I'm not a girl...not yet a woman.*
11:56 AM
Last week, we have repainted the walls of the whole house so I had to take off my bedroom's walls all the posters I had put up there with a friend 10 years ago.
Seeing those walls white is weird.
It's kinda
depressing.
I'm planning on putting inspiring stickers on them. I'm just
not used to see them white.
They make me realize I've grown up from a
kid into a girl who's now slowly turning into a woman.
I ..realize I've
grown up when I no longer see Greek books and dictionaries on my
shelves..which are now loaded with chemistry books and question banks
for the admission test to med school.
I realize I've grown up when I see that now my
bookshelves are full with memoirs of famous doctors. ..the other books I used to read years ago have been relocated to the back of the shelves because I don't read them that much anymore.
Most of all..I realize I've grown up when I
read old chapters of my story I wrote years ago and I think: "Holy moly...did I
really write this? Jeez..I'm old!".
I realize I've grown up when I find
myself thinking one day I'd love to get married and have kids..whose
names I might have been thinking of already.
I realize I've grown up
when I think about med school and the career I chose to go into and..I
found myself being excited but also really scared a about a lot of
things.
I realize I've grown up when I realize the protagonist of my story (which
represents who I want to be)and I aren't that different anymore.
I
realize I've grown up when I close my eyes and I actually can see myself
as a doctor.. white coat,stethoscope and all.
On the other hand..I realize I'm the
same as 2,4,even 5 years ago when I see my old stuffed animals laying on
my bed.
When I write happy scenes where my protagonist is living the
perfect life I'd love to have.
When I cry and stress out about what
people think. When I get super mad about not being able of doing
something.
When I think about what I've been told and I'm afraid those
people were right.
When I get sad because I can't stand on my feet for a lot of time because of my CP.
When I accidentally spill some liquid on the floor while walking..due to my CP.
When I feel like I'm a waste of space.
When..no
matter what I do,my hair looks terrible and my glasses are always
dirty(no matter how much I wash or clean them..it's frustrating!).
When
I start feeling like I'm an horrible person on so many levels and I start thinking no
one ever will want to be my friend for a long time because of a reason unknown to
me.
And..so yes... " I'm not a girl,not yet a woman".*
* The title of the blog post is actually the title of a song by Britney Spears called "I'm not a girl,not yet a woman"
1 comments
...I had written a comment and it got deleted, amazing!
ReplyDeleteso. I said that this article is really great and very true as well! It's funny how we think of ourselves as kids, teenagers, adults for such long periods of time without realizing that we move to the next step every single day; we just realize we're changing when we have to do something that totally breaks up with our past!
Keep writing on here Em, you'll be happy to re-read everything once you'll be all grown up with a beautiful husband and kids! :)