PART 1

I rinsed the last plate and put it on the rack to dry.

I wiped off my hands in a kitchen towel and then I sank on the couch. 

The kids were sleeping in their rooms upstairs. 

The house felt so..quiet. 

It was awfully quiet and awfully big for the 3 of us alone. 

I sighed loudly. I looked down at the coffee table..to grab the remote. And there it was. A picture from our wedding day. Framed..perfect. 

And in the picture,so were we. 

Perfect. 

We were living our happy,perfect ending. -I miss you. -I whispered-I miss you so much. 

I started sobbing. Sobbing..I grabbed my phone and I dialed my mum's number.  She picked up immediately. 

-hi,baby girl..-she said. 

I kept sobbing. -What's wrong? 

-mummy...-I whispered- Can I come home..for a bit? 

-Of course,baby. 

-I'll..I'll be there soon,then.

I sat up in bed,still feeling a little dizzy. I looked at Elle,and then at the papers she had given me. 

-are you..-she started-..how are you? She was looking at me like I were a delicate object that was about to break. 

-I..I..-I whispered-I think I'm gonna be sick. She gave me a basin and I threw up. 

After that..she gave me some water. 

I drank it all..and I felt a little bit better. -How are you?-she asked me. 

-I'm pregnant...and.. -I burst into tears. Elle held me. 

-It's okay,Liz. -she told me- It's okay to cry. It's okay. 

-I'm..having a baby...and.. 

-aren't you happy about it? 

-I'm.. 3 kids..how am I supposed to raise 3 kids on my own? Alone? 

-You are not alone.-she smiled at me-  you have me and Alex and your parents..and your sisters and all your friends.. 

-I..I can't. 3 kids. I can't. 

-do you..want..to terminate? 

-No! -I sobbed- of course,not! It's..Mark's baby. It's..my baby. -I paused- It's the last thing Mark left me. I took an hand to my belly. - I love him or her already. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I kept tossing and turning in bed. 

It was 3 AM and I couldn't fall asleep.   

My back was killing me and I could feel a tension headache coming. 

After staring at the ceiling for 5 minutes, I gave up on sleep and got up. I wanted  myself some chamomile tea. While I was making my way out of the room,I heard Aurora's little voice..coming from her room. 

-Mama..mama... 

I walked into her room,and I saw her  standing up in her crib. 

-hi,sweetheart- I whispered- how are you? -Mama..mama.. 

-are you hungry,baby? 

She nodded. 

-Okay. -I smiled at her- Let's go and get you something to eat,okay? 

I scooped her out of her crib. I knew lifting heavy was not good for me,but sometimes I couldn't avoid it. 

I put her down on the floor. 

She walked behind me for a couple of minutes. 

-Up! Up! -she started- Mama, up! 

She had such an excited expression on her face..I couldn't tell her no. 

-Ok,sweetie.-I said,lifting her up once again. -Come here. 

We got downstairs and I put Aurora in her highchair. 

I then put the kettle on,for my tea and I started heating up a bottle for her. 

-mummy loves you so much,baby girl. 

-I luv you,mama..-she said- nose kiss?   

-Nose kiss it is. 

I got closer to her and I started rubbing my nose against hers. 

-mummy..my tummy roarrr.. 

-oh,it is? -I giggled- you must be really hungry then. 

She nodded. 

I took the bottle and I tested it on my hand to see if it was warm enough.

I noticed Aurora smiling mischievously. I figured she was up to something. She was so cute when she smiled that way.

-Mama..-she started-...me cookie?

I smiled at her and caressed her cheek.

I knew she would have asked me for a cookie to have with her milk. 

Not even 3 years old and she was already as food obsessed as I was. 

And she also had quite a sweet tooth,once again,much like I did.

-You're definitely my baby girl,aren't you? -I asked her,with a smile in my voice -now..what do you need to say when asking for something?

She seemed to be thinking about it.

-What's the magic word you have to say? -I tried to help her -Come on,I know you know..

A few seconds passed. 

Then,she suddenly lit up. Her big blue eyes got even bigger,and sparkly.  

I figured she must had remembered the word.

-please mama,cookie?

-Well done. -I whispered while placing a kiss on her forehead - Now you can have your cookie.

-Yay!! -she was excited- Oreos?

-Mmmm...

I started rummaging in the snack cabinet,looking for some cookies to give her. 

I realised I had hardly  bought any cookies and sweet treats in the previous weeks. Not as much as I used to buy when we lived in Boston,anyway.

Living in L.A. meant that both my family and Mark's were a 10 to 30 minutes drive from me.

That meant that it was much easier for Mrs Freedman to stuff us full with yummy cookies and sweet treats of any kind.

Oh,the joys of having a super talented pastry chef as a mother in law.

Working at the bakery and baking her heart away helped her a lot. 

She gave me and the girls massive amounts of sweet treats,that seemed to never end..every other day or so. 

I loved all of them so much but I of course couldn't eat them all..nor could the girls. So we ate some and shared the rest around.  I used to bring a lot of goodies over to the hospital,for example. That same morning I brought  there the very last batch of sugar cookies she had given us,aware of the fact that the next lot of sweet treats would have come very soon.

-Mama,cookie,please?

Aurora's little voice interrupted my flow of thoughts.

-Yes,baby. -I said-  You're right. Just a sec. After a few more minutes of rummaging in the cabinet,I found a small pack of regular Oreo cookies.

-OREOS!! -Aurora squealed as soon as she saw them- Yay!

-Shhhhh,sweetie. -I whispered,while opening the pack -It's very late at night,Laura is sleeping upstairs. So we have to be quiet,alright? Really quiet.

I took my index finger to my lips.

-Shhhhhh.

Aurora did the same. She loved copying what I did..she was basically a mini me,much to my disappointment.

-Shhhhh. Quiet. -she repeated- Shhhh.

-Very good,baby. 

I managed to get the pack open without ripping the paper too much or making a mess with the crumbs.

I gave Aurora a cookie and her bottle.

-Fank you,mama.-she said,while biting into the cookie

-You're welcome. Is that yummy?

She nodded.

I grinned.

-Really yummy?

She shoved the rest of the cookie in her mouth. 

-Yes! -she paused- But Ganny cookies are yummiest!

I caressed her cheek. She couldn't say "Granny" quite yet. But she was getting there. I was sure she would have learned to say it properly soon.

-Are they yummier than Oreos?

-Yes! 

-Wow. -I smiled at her- We gotta tell Granny about it tomorrow,then.

Aurora started drinking her milk. 

She seemed pretty content.

-Is that yummy? -I asked her-Is that warm enough?

-Yes,mama.

-I am glad.

At that moment,the kettle whistled. The water was boiling.

 I took my favorite mug and I put a bag of chamomile tea in it. 

Then I poured boiling water from the kettle on it..filling up the mug. 

Lastly,I sugared it and stirred it through,so that the sugar could melt in the hot water.

I sat at the counter,in front of Aurora.      

My headache was getting worse.  I took my head in my hands,and started rubbing my temples with my fingers,in a circular 

motion. 

That usually helped me a bit with the pain.

I had been suffering from tension headaches since I was in High School..I was used to them. 

Being pregnant,however,seemed to be the perfect trigger for them. 

At that point,20 weeks into my pregnancy, I had started  to get one at least once a day.  

I sighed,as I took a sip of tea.