"My world is upside down"- PART 2

After kissing Laura goodbye for the 10th time,I took Aurore's little hand and we walked out of Elle's house.

-Mummy,now what? -she asked me,while we were heading to the car- We go play?

-What if we go grocery shopping first?-I suggested,while putting her in her car seat -And then we go home and play after that. Doesn't that sound fun?

At the word "grocery shopping" she grinned. She wasn't even 3 yet,and she was already as food obsessed as I was.

-Strawberries? Blueberries? Chocolate?

I chuckled.

-Yes,we'll get those as well.

Her eyes lit up. 

-Yay!

I gave her one of her favourite stuffed animals and I caressed her cheek. I always kept a few stuffed animals in the car,in order to keep the girls quiet and content during long trips.

I hopped into the car and buckled up. 

I then started driving to the nearest grocery store.

It was crazy how normal driving had become to me over the years. 

I had had quite a rough start with it back when I was in my teens. 

To start with,I hadn't taken my driving license at 16,like most of my peers had. In fact,at the time,I was too busy graduating high school early and filling up applications for college. 

I just didn't have the time to take it. 

Then I had moved,started college and started struggling with depression. 

And that had delayed taking my license even more.

I sighed. 

Depression had taken-and was still taking- so much from me. 

I stopped at a red light and quickly turned around to check on Aurore.

 -Hey baby...-I said- ..are you alright? Is Waffle fun?

-He fun. -she grinned -we there yet?

-Not yet,baby.  But we'll be there in a few minutes.

Five minutes later,we got to the grocery store. 

I got out of the car and strapped Aurore out of her car seat. I then locked the car and made a mental note of the exact spot where I had parked.

Aurore's eyes were sparkly. She loved the grocery store.

I held her hand and I looked at her in the eye.

-Okay,sweetie.- I told her- The grocery store is gonna be full of people and chaos. Never let my hand go,okay?

I expected her to nod and grin enthusiastically,as she usually did. But she didn't.

-My legs are tired..-she moaned-..can't walk. Mummy carry me?

Her eyes got even sparklier. 

-Please mummy.-she added

I looked at her genuinely excited expression and then I took my free hand to my growing belly. 

I hated the idea of telling her no. But,even though I was just 24 weeks along,I was already rather huge for my normally petite size and my balance wasn't that good anymore.  Quite a change from my first pregnancy, when,at 24 weeks,I was barely showing.

I looked at Aurore again. 

  If I held her and carried her,I could fall and hurt both her and the baby.

-Mummy? 

I smiled at her.

-Sweetheart..mummy can't hold you the whole time..-I forced myself to say.

Aurore's excited grin disappeared,so did the sparkle in her eyes.

I felt my heart breaking.

A couple of minutes later,I had a idea.

I grinned at Aurore.

-Come on,baby. -I told her -I had a fantastic idea. 

-Really?

There it was again. The sparkle in her eyes . 

As soon as I saw it,I felt a lot better.

-Yes. Hold my hand and follow me.

She held my hand and we walked towards the shopping carts.

I took one out of the row.

-Ready? -I asked Aurore with a smile.

-What,mummy? 

She was confused but her eyes were still sparkly.

-You'll see.-I winked at her -Ready?

She nodded.

Carefully,I lifted her up. Oh boy,was she heavy.

-Aww,you're getting so big,aren't you baby? -I whispered to myself.

I then carefully made her sit down in the shopping cart. 

-Are you comfortable like this,sweetie?-I asked her.
Aurore looked around.
I was sure it was because she wasn't expecting that.
At that moment I realised I  rarely had made the girls sit into the shopping cart before,even though I vividly remember my mum doing that with me when I was a kid.
I  then sighed,realising that I had  done that so rarely because I used to never go grocery shopping on my own with both Laura and Aurore in tow.
Not when I had to grocery shop for the week,anyway.
In that case, we always tried to grocery shop as a family,all four of us.
The girls loved the grocery store.
It was a great learning opportunity for them,as I would teach them colours and numbers and new words as we shopped.
Plus they were as food obsessed as I was.
For that reason, I tried to take them shopping with me anytime I could,including when we had to stock up on food for the week ahead.
And...every single time,Mark insisted to come with me.
"I know you can handle it on your own,Lizzie. But let me be your knight in the shining whatever for once".
That's what he always used to tell me before I could protest.
And that's how that "once" quickly turned into "every time".
My gosh,how much I missed him.
I felt my eyes filling with tears and blinked to get rid of them.
-Sweetie?- I repeated- Are you okay?

-Yes!
She grinned at me,holding her stuffed animal.
-Strawberries now?
-Oh yes.-I winked at her- We're gonna get all the strawberries we can find.