my stories

Home away from home..

2:01 PM

From "This perfectly imperfect life"

" I was sitting at my seat,near the window,listening to some country music Mark was sitting near me,playing a game on his iPad. He seemed so focused. 
I looked  down at my iPhone.
According to it,it was  5 PM,local time. 
We were about to land.
I looked through the window. The sky was blue,the clouds were white and so fluffy they seemed made of whipped cream.
I was looking forward to the moment when the plane would get ready to land,to have a look at the land below me. I had always loved that moment..when such a big and vast land seemed so little it could fit in my hand.
The song  I was listening to ended. A few seconds later,another one started.
Brad Paisley's sweet voice filled my ears. 
A few seconds in,I realised it was my absolute favourite song of his.
It had been played in the background while Mark proposed.
It was the song to which we had had our first dance as a married couple. 
It was our song. 
I gently elbowed Mark, in order to drive his attention to me. 
When he turned around,I gave him one of my earphones, so that we could listen to the song together.
 A few minutes later,He smiled at me.
-"And now you're my whole life,now you're my whole world.."-he quietly sang to the lyrics.
I looked at him,in the eye. He did the same. 
My hand searched for his. 
His searched for mine. After a few seconds,they found each other and intertwined.
-"I just can't believe..the way I feel about you,girl.."
I grinned at him,feeling tears in my eyes..as I squeezed his hand tightly.

We landed at 6 30 PM,local time. 
I yawned,as I stretched and started gathering my stuff. 
I couldn't believe we were finally there. The flight had been nice and rather  comfortable,yes..but super long as well.
It dawned on me we had a train to catch in 3 hours..and a night of traveling ahead of us. 
Our long journey was far from over..but,to be honest, I was trying to savour every little bit of it.
And..from that point on, it could only get better that it already was. 
I was looking forward to it so much that I could barely contain my excitement.
Mark grinned at me.
-Are you ready for this?
My hand once again searched for his,while his searched for mine. 
They ended up meeting on the  my seat's arm rest and intertwined. At that moment a ray of sunshine came through the window and met our brand new,shiny, wedding bands.
I looked at Mark,with the widest smile on my face.
-I am.

As soon as we got off the plane,the sun started bothering my eyes. 
I took out my sunglasses out of my purse and I put them on.
It was so hot.
I was glad I had taken off my old Smith's sweatshirt earlier and had only a purple tank top  and a pair of shorts on at that moment.
 Mark and I were walking towards the airport,carrying our suitcases behind us.
-We're here. -I whispered,not quite believing it yet-We're really here.
Mark held my hand tighter.
-We're here.-he  smiled at me.

The airport looked like the labyrinth from Pacman. 
It was packed with people,speaking many languages. English,Italian,French and even something that seemed like Swedish,or even Norwegian maybe.
That was what I loved most about airports. All the people you could see,all the different languages you could hear,all the different cultures you could get a glimpse of..if you were lucky enough to be at the right place at the right moment.
While I was looking around,mesmerised,I felt Mark's hand lightly touching my shoulder.
-I'm gonna go get a coffee and something to eat...-he told me- Do you want anything?
I turned around to look at him.
-Coffee..espresso. -I said,trying not to yawn- and a bottle of water...the colder they have,the better.
-Okay. - he smiled at me- you wait here in the lounge. I'll be back in a minute.
-Do you need me to come with you? 
-I think I can handle it. -he assured me- And I'm sure they speak English.
He held my hands and gently kissed me on my lips.
I felt my cheeks blushing.
-I love you,Mark. -I said.
-I love you too,Lizzie. 
-I still cannot believe we're here..on our honeymoon.  -I then whispered- It's like..I mean.. I feel like I am dreaming. 
A few seconds later,I felt a little pinch on my arm. I retrieved it immediately.
-Ouch! 
Mark gave me a mischievous smile.
-Why did you do that?-I asked him,faking an annoyed tone - That was not nice!
-To show you that you are not dreaming,my dear.
He winked at me.
-Anyways..you wait here. I'll be back in a minute.
   
When he left,I sat on one of the red plastic chairs in the lounge. I took a magazine from a table near me and started reading through it..trying to practice the language a bit more.
While I was reading,or at least,trying to, I felt someone touching my arm. 
I thought Mark had come back with our drinks. 
But,much to my surprise, when I looked at my side,I didn't see him. 
A little girl with red pigtails and big blue eyes,was sitting near me. 
I assumed she was 4 ..or 5,maybe. Not more. 
She looked upset and like she was about to cry.   
We were alone in the room. 
She must had been the one to touch my arm.
I grinned at her,trying to calm her down.
-Hai visto la mia mamma? -she asked,innocently.
She seemed so scared,poor thing.
At that moment I felt so incredibly grateful for the fact that I had revised Italian for the whole flight that had taken us from Boston to Frankfurt and from Frankfurt to Milan..where we were at that moment. From there,a train would take us to the South of Italy,where we would spend 2 entire weeks. 
I had taken a few semesters of Italian in college and I loved it. To that day still,most of the time,I could easily understand the language,both read and written..although I still struggled a lot with my speaking and hated my accent. 
The little girl had just asked me if I had seen her mum.
I thought about the right words in my head for a few seconds.I wanted to tell her I hadn't seen her mother and ask her if she was lost.
-No,piccola. - I said - Ti..sei..persa? 
She nodded.
 I breathed a sigh of relief.
Yay. What I had said actually made sense.
At least the little girl and I could communicate in some way.
I smiled at her.
-Come..ti chiami? -I asked her. 
"What's your name?"
-Chiara! -a woman's voice-Dove sei stata?  Ti ho cercata dappertutto!
A woman with a long braid ran towards us. The little girl,Chiara, threw
 herself in her arms. I assumed she was her mum.
-Mamma! -she said,while holding onto her.
The woman had just asked her where she had been and told her she had been searching for her everywhere..or ,at least, that's what I understood.
-Quante volte ti ho detto che non ti devi allontanare?
She was scolding her about wandering around on her own. 
The both of them then got closer to me.
-E quante volte ti ho detto che non devi dare fastidio alle persone che non conosci?
She was scolding her about bothering people she didn't know.
-Mi dispiace -she then told me with a smile.
"I'm sorry".
-Chiara,chiedi scusa alla signorina.
She had now told her to apologise to me,referring to me as miss. 
Quite flattering of her, I thought.
-Scusa,signorina.-she whispered,staring at her feet.
"Sorry,miss".
She was so sweet my heart melted. 
-Non...c'è bisogno. -I smiled. 
"There's no need".
-Eri..spaventata. Io..capisco. - I paused,thinking about  the next words I had to say -Sei..stata coraggiosa..a..mmmm..chiedere aiuto.
"You were scared,I understand. You were brave to ask for help. " 
Or..something like that. Chiara seemed to understand what I wanted to tell her. She smiled.
She  then went ahead and hugged me."











mental health

Anxiety..what a monster.

2:25 AM

Anxiety is horrible. 
You can think only about what's worrying you and you're trapped in your mind. You start having domino thoughts and that paralyses you. 
You want to cry to let it all out but you can't. 
Your mind races and you can't stop it. You can't sleep..you can't focus on anything but what you're worrying about.
You want to get moving but most of the time you're paralysed. 
You might get pins and needles. 
When you find the courage to open up to someone..most of the time you can't explain what you're feeling,what your fears are. 
Your mind races too fast for you to keep up and turn your thoughts into words and coherent sentences.
You can't sleep..you just keep tossing and turning in bed,until you realise you won't sleep anytime soon,so you decide to get up and try to distract yourself from your thoughts.
The point is..until you don't find an escape..a bit of a solution or something rational to  grip on while drowning in a sea of bad and sometimes irrational thoughts..the only thing you can think of is your worries and these said thoughts. You can try to study..to do work..to watch TV..to read or write..but for me,when I am having really bad anxiety, none of this does really work.
Turning on fairy lights and watch them..smelling candles(I was given 3 candles by a dear friend,I love them and I keep them on my desk ready to grab and smell when I need to) can help..at least it does for me.
But still,when you're having bad anxiety..you can't focus about anything else but your worries and bad thoughts. You somehow shut out everything else and the only thing you can focus on is the worst case scenario,that keeps playing and playing in your mind...over and over again.
You can't escape from this prison. Thinking rationally whilst dealing with bad anxiety is difficult.
But after feeling bad for a while..if you're lucky..you might remember of a dear friend who understands how you feel. You might tell him/her what you're thinking about and in the end you might come up with a little bit of rational thought for you to grip on to stay afloat your sea of bad thoughts. 
For example..yesterday,I myself,managed to text a dear friend whilst having really bad anxiety. 
I told her about what I was worrying/panicking about and she gave me her opinion about it.  
It helped me a lot..and after a while I came up with some bit of  a rational thought. 
Where I live, there's so much stigma about mental health and most  non medical people think mental health issues different than bereavement related depression and psychotic episodes/illnesses(schizophrenia ecc) don't even exist. Finding a good healthcare professional to help you with MH is so hard especially here and so it is to break the stigma surrounding these issues. Most people..are scared about MH issues or think someone caused them to himself or is feeling bad on purpose. Most MH issues have an actual physiological cause underlining them..for example,depression might be caused by low levels of serotonin and noradrenaline which can be measured with an LP(cfr Dr Tim Cantopher- Depressive Illness the curse of the strong) caused by the limbic system malfunctioning.
Mental illness is a real illness. I am trying to learn more and more about it and to find the strength to break this wall of fear and shame that surrounds it..in the hopes of asking for proper help to an healthcare professional..one day,hopefully soon,rather than later.

The point of all this rambling is..if you suffer from a mental health condition(or,in my case,you think you might be suffering from one)..try not to isolate. 
I know first hand reaching out is really hard. 
But try not to isolate. Reach out to a friend or to your parents or on your Twitter or wherever.
And don't be afraid of mental illness.
If you know that a friend of yours or someone you know is struggling..try to support him/ her.
As someone who might be suffering from depression as well as anxiety..I can tell you..talking to friends or to someone,really..can make you feel better.
From my experience,I can tell you that thinking of someone who' s struggling is never a bad thing. Of course you don't have to text that person every day..as that can be annoying. 
But..a text saying: "big hugs. Thinking of you".
Or even..if you're close, a little gift with a card..to say "I hope this little gift makes you smile".
Or even just..showing you care.
From  personal experience,I can tell you that can make a world of difference to someone who's struggling.

#EndTheStigma #SupportSystem #Anxiety #Depression

random thoughts

A note on gratitude..

6:25 AM

On Thanksgiving,people all over the United States,gather around a table full of yummy food to say what they're thankful for.

Now..as many of you know,I'm not American so I've never celebrated Thanksgiving.
As far as I know..Thanksgiving is about spending time with family and most of all about gratitude.
Gratitude.
In the past year,I've learned that gratitude is not only a great feeling to live life by,but also a very powerful state of mind.
In fact..having an attitude of gratitude can make or break your day. 
Having an attitude of gratitude can make you look at life differently.
Pretty impressive,uh? 
Gratitude is powerful. 
 Even when I feel at my worst,when  the little evil monster that houses my mind wakes up and starts telling me bad things,I've found that if I focus on what I'm grateful for,I actually feel better. A lot better.
Gratitude is a powerful weapon to fight against my naughty little monster. When I manage to stop,look around and actually think about what I'm grateful for..the monster suddenly loses its power.
So..what or,most of all, who am I grateful for? Thinking of whom helps me in my fight against my evil monster?
I'll try and make a little list.

First of all..I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my mum,who can always understand when I feel down..who can cook the yummiest food in the entire world and is always ready to give me a hug.
I'm grateful for my dad..who always buys  me my favorite chocolate,makes me laugh and  always wants me to kiss him goodbye before I leave for school.
I'm grateful for my brother,for all his pranks and all the annoying songs he loves singing in my ear when I'm trying to focus.
I'm grateful for my uncle,for his funny text messages and for the fact that,to this day still,he often calls me princess.
I'm grateful for my aunt,for the super yummy food she cooks,for the driving lessons she gives me, for  
the tv shows we enjoy watching together.
I'm grateful for my other aunt...because we're basically the same person. I'm grateful for her... for all the times she helps me out,for all the times I called her in tears and she fixed me.
I'm grateful for my cousin..for the fact that he is always positive,for the fact that he gifted me a stethoscope and my walker...for the fact that he tells me I can become a doctor and shows me he believes in me.
I'm grateful for my walker..because it has changed my life and gave me the key to independence.
I'm grateful for my puppy..for his chewing on socks,licking my face and just being adorable all the time.

I'm grateful for my friends.
I'm grateful for Nicoletta because..after 6 long years,she's still by my side.
I'm grateful for Valentina,for all her calls during 5 years of school,for coming over to see me last year on Christmas Eve.
I'm grateful for Giacomo,for being the best deskmate ever.
I'm grateful for Tullio..for his kindness.
I'm grateful for Sara and her family, for the fact that they basically adopted me for a few hours every Saturday for 8 months,for the fact that they believed in me more than I did...for the yummy food and the laughs we shared together.
I will be forever grateful for Sara(yes,another Sara) for introducing me to writing when we were 10. Thank you. So much.
I'm grateful for Beatrice,for her kindness and sweetness. For the fact that she wipes my tears when I need her to,reads my stories and is genuinely interested in them. For her: "I cried when I read that scene,I love your writing".
I'm grateful for Erica and Betty..for our talking about food and our "English lessons" during lunch break.
I'm grateful for Elly..for her sweetness and kindness..for her "we'll go check out that shop together next time if you want".
I'm grateful for Luisa,for our afternoon together eating ice cream and strolling around the mall..for the passions we share,for her kindness.

I'm grateful,so grateful, for my Twitter friends.
 If they had told me I would have made so many friends and would have gone through so many experiences thanks to social media..I'm sure I wouldn't have believed a word. But I did meet so many wonderful people,learned so many things..all thanks to a Twitter profile I made on a whim,3 years ago.
I have so many Twitter friends to be grateful for.
 I'll try to make a list of them..but it's not easy,they're so many!
Well...let's start.
First of all,I'm grateful for Lyss,without whom I wouldn't have joined Twitter.
I'm so incredibly grateful for Fi because she's so amazing and she  has taught me so much..because she has taught me what incredible power lies in an attitude of gratitude and how to love myself. I would be weak and powerless against my evil monster,if it wasn't for her.
Thank you so so much Fi. You are amazing and you rock!!
I'm so  grateful for Liz..for everything she does for me. For our Skype calls,for our yoga sessions,for her teaching me how to pronounce some words correctly while I teach her Italian. For the hours of time difference separating us.. for our watching Grey's Anatomy "together",for our being each others' alarm clock,for her being there for me when my grandpa passed and I was sad and alone...for her being amazing.
Thank you. So much.
I'm grateful for Jess who is amazing and was there for me when I was crying all my tears on the couch,unable to stop. You are amazing,dear.
I'm grateful for Maria,for her amazing passion and drive,for her wonderful neuroethics video,for how inspiring she is and for her being simply amazing. You go,girl!
I'm grateful for @CraveHappy1 for telling me I could make it through Gen Chem and that I shouldn't give up on my dream of becoming a doctor.
I'm grateful for @FutureNYBSN because she's always so sweet and kind and she's always there for me...because she told be being a doctor is in my blood and that I have a big heart.
I'm grateful for @doctormeowskis and @studentdoctordiva who taught me the power of resilience and hardwork.
I'm grateful for @biologyinheels who was among the first people to tell me my worth was based on me.
I'm grateful for @BrunetteMDToBe who was there for me when I was broken and who is always so sweet and kind to me. 
I'm grateful for @sassymd for telling me I was bright.
I'm grateful for Vick and @AnnoyedandTired because they read my blog and they believe in me.
I'm grateful for Ruth,for her passion and resilience,for her being my friend...for her being an absolute star. You are amazing,keep going!
I'm grateful for Xan..for his being there for me when I needed him,for his kind words,for the time he spent dreaming with me..for the fact that he made me feel good.
I'm grateful for Andrew,who called me "drop dead gorgeous".
I'm grateful for @premedicalpug because she told me not to cancel my profile.
I'm grateful for @docA because she simply rocks. Because she talks to me and she's my friend.
I'm grateful for @sicklecelldoc because she's one of my role models and she's so amazing.
I'm grateful for @lauralacquer and @andreatooley..for their blogs and videos,for how much they inspire me,for them being such good role models to me. 
I'm grateful for @premed_odyssey and @rn_soontobe because they believe in me.
I'm grateful for @bipolarblogger and @thefinch because they are amazing. I'm grateful for Giulia(@MMMjuliette)because she's so amazing and supportive of me and my dream of becoming a doctor. You rock.
I'm grateful for Theresa because she's so amazing and sweet,she's a great nurse and she inspires me so much.
I'm grateful for Sofia because she is just so so amazing and sweet. For the fact that she's there when I need her,for the fact that she loves reading my stories and she takes a minute to tell me what she thinks about them. 
I'm grateful for Hannah..for her attitude,for her calling me "star", for #chronicmedics.
I'm grateful for Clare..for her being there for me when I need her,for her coming up with ideas for a present I had to make.
I'm grateful for Amanda,for being one of my role models and for telling me I'm going to be an amazing pediatrician.
I'm grateful for Magali for her being so sweet and kind,for her talking to me,for  her being my
friend.
I'm grateful for Sarah..for teaching me one can love both medicine and humanities at the same time. 
I'm grateful for Sarah(yes,another Sarah) for her correcting my wrong English every time. Grazie mille,cara.
I'm grateful for Liz..for her sweetness and kindness,for her blog,for her sending me yummy recipes.
I'm grateful for Becky because she's so sweet,kind and strong and because she's my friend.
I'm grateful for Emily because,no matter how bad she's feeling,she always has a kind word for me.
I'm grateful for Joe,for his help in chemistry and for him being among the first people to wish me happy birthday.
I'm grateful for Scott,for his being there for me when I was broken.
I'm grateful for Kate for her being so sweet and kind to me,for her nominating me in a challenge.
I'm grateful for Bianca..for her kindness,for our multi language chats.
I'm grateful for Kasia because she's simply amazing.
I'm grateful for Laura..for her Skyping to me on my birthday.
I'm grateful for Katie,for everything she has done for me. 
 And,last but not least,I'm grateful for the people who left me because they taught me I could get up on my own. 
Thank you.
  



mental health

Comparison

9:15 AM



"Comparison is the thief of joy".
Who hasn't heard this saying at least once in their life?
It is a very wise,truthful and meaningful thought indeed.
 I just wish it was easier for me to remember about it and to apply it to my daily life.
As far as I remember..I've always compared myself to other people..especially in school.
I've always tried to be the best or at least among the best people in my class. And I was,most of the time.
Being good at school let me help my other classmates with homework and this was my favorite thing to do.
I would spend hours on the phone with a friend..explaining to her what this or that meant or how to translate this or that from Ancient Greek or Latin.
I just loved doing that..I felt like I had a place in my class..like I were..useful.
Then I graduated.
I got into my program...and I started struggling.
 I wasn't among the best anymore. I wasn't the one to whom people asked for help anymore.
I was used to ask people for help with my walking and such..but  the times I had asked help with homework were very few.
Comparison started becoming more and more present in my mind as the day went by. It was like an annoying voice I had at the back of mind that gradually got louder and louder.
Initially it was just a whisper,then it slowly turned into a loud scream that filled up my mind and made me unable to think about anything else...anything else than how worthless I was compared to other people
Here is what that evil voice told me(and still tells me):
" Do you see that girl there?
She's so beautiful. She's so sweet.She's so kind.
 She has a boyfriend and they seem so perfect together. Kids love her,she teaches little girls ballet.
She can cook and bake.
She's so clever..she loves math..she's so good at it that she tutors kids.
She writers poems. She's..amazing.
And you?
You are the complete opposite.
 You..hate math. You're anything but beautiful. You're not sweet..at least not outside of your stupid writing.
You can't write poems..only other..uhm..stuff. You don't have the courage to publish them because you can't stand harsh judgement.
You are nothing compared to her or to anyone of your friends.
You are nothing."
Sometimes this voice becomes so strong and so annoying that everything acts as a trigger. I am forced to take a break from Twitter.
I get quiet...because the voice tells me I should do my best to become invisible.
My writing becomes sad.
I become sad.
Comparison sucks.
Comparison is the thief of joy,indeed.
If only I remembered about it more often.

mental health

Monster brain attacks..

1:16 PM



I was having a good time..studying genetics from my textbook and loving every bit of it.
Then it hit me.
 I started worrying about stupid paperwork- like stuff for uni I haven't taken care of yet because every time I try to take my laptop and open that stupid glitchy  uni website..I just become so scared and anxious that I start shaking from top to toe and crying my eyes out.
I have no idea why. It just scares me to death.
I am afraid of making a silly mistake and lock myself out or cancel everything or stuff like that. I'm afraid  of being scolded and being called stupid and dumb.

Everytime I make a mistake..it acts like super food to my monster-brain.
Once it has been fed..my brain goes crazy and it begins acting like a monster to me..by telling me all sort of bad things.. By making me cry and shake like a leaf...by making me hate everything I was loving a minute earlier( in fact,I had to close my genetics textbook shut and to walk away. And I still want to throw "So many Everests"straight into the fire,and to delete all my drafts for the chapters from my phone. I cried on the Italian version of "For the first time in forever" because it was umbearable for me to listen to at the moment).

Here are some stuff my brain is telling me right now:
"You suck. You're horrible.
 You're the clumsiest person on the face of this planet. No one loves you..not even your parents or your puppy,even!
You will never be a doctor*evil laugh* because you are wrong for that job and you will never be enough..no matter what you do...no matter how much you love medicine.
You don't have friends..you will never have any.
No one likes you. People are kind to you just because they pity you. People pity you.
You are the most stupid,unworthy person ever.
You are 20 years old..for heaven's sake,would you stop dreaming?
You can't live out of dreams..mum told you,remember?
Hope doesn't exist..it's crap. Life sucks and will suck forever.
Suck it up,and,for heaven's sake,stop bothering.
She was right..being a doctor isn't realistic for you.
For heaven's sake..you need to stop writing that stupid crappy stuff..you're no longer 12,dear.
You will never have any bit of what you want because...news flash,you are you! And you suck.
Did you look at yourself in the mirror lately? You're ugly..nobody will ever want to date you,let alone marry you.
All your "friends" are perfect..you suck. All your "friends" have a boyfriend..you've never had one..doesn't that tell you anything about yourself?
You cheer up about stupid achievements like closing a plastic bag with a knot or braiding 3 strings...or peeling an apple. God,you are so pathetic.
You freak out about tiny things..everywhere you go,you get lost. You are afraid of getting trapped in elevators.
You are pathetic and horrible.
You are so stupid..and you write stupid fantasies.
You are so stupid.
You will never write that happy final scene because it's right for your silly little bubble to be full of sadness. It's how it has to be..it's more realistic than those stupid happy scenes you enjoyed writing years ago. Remember? You used to browse the Merck Manual for hours and hours in the summer nights because you had to do your stupid medical research for your stupid chapter.
And you used to lose the track of time while browsing through this or that coagulation disorder because it mesmerized you.
How pathetic.
You are stupid and dreams are crap. "





life

Talks. And feeling a bit better.

11:31 PM



I had a couple of very good days..although I've been feeling very sleepy all the time and I couldn't do much revision.
Today I really need to revise a lot and I'm kinda looking forward to it.
This week has been quite productive...on the non revision side of things,at least.
Of course I felt down last Tuesday..but I was prepared. I've just tried to keep myself as busy as possible,so that would be less painful,I guess.
I did some revision,a lot of chores(I found out I love doing laundry!),I finally sent out some packages(yay!) and I finally conquered my fears and anxieties and got some uni related stuff done.
Yes,it's lame..but going on my uni's website makes me super anxious,I have no idea why.

I also broke down on Friday afternoon..cried for a good hour and told my mum everything or almost everything
I told her about how I feel,about what my silly brain tells me from time to time,about how I don't like uni that much..about peer pressure and,most importantly,about how much I  love medicine and I want to do that in life.
Surprisingly,I found out she wasn't mad about it a couple of days ago. Apparently,she was worried about me.
I told her why I decided not to apply this year and how difficult has been for me to take such decision.
And how difficult has been for me to find out that I could have done a lot better than last time on that stupid admission test.
I told her that sometimes my brain tells me that I am "just me",I'm stupid and worthless and I can't do anything because I feel like I am never "enough".
I told her I knew that everyone has those feelings sometimes and that self doubt is human...but I feel like they crash me and play with me in any way they want..because sometimes I  have absolutely no control over them.
I told her sometimes it's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because I feel like there's no point. Because I lost hope and I'm sick.
I told her I've never talked to her about it before because I didn't want her to worry.
She told me I am amazing and caring and that I can do whatever I want.
She told me to try and get my degree even though I don't like it. I can and I will apply again to med school next year of after I graduate.
She also told me I can move to England after I graduate..so..whooohoo.
I don't really know if or how I'll do it but..I think the UK is definitely in my future..if not for moving there(and hopefully doing medicine there,maybe? *dreams*) at least for a long vacation.
I'm British at heart after all!
After we talked I felt a lot lot better. I actually couldn't stop dancing!

Today I feel more confident.
I feel like I actually have a chance and can become a doctor and do what I love.

I actually could write a happy-ish scene later. Because,let's say it, grey sad Liz is truly no fun.
I have a couple of ideas in mind and I think I finally picked out a name for the new character. But that's gonna be a secret until I write the "last" scene..that I'll probably publish on here if I can.

Soon I'll do the Starlight Award thing..I'm finally feeling up to it,I think. Thank you,Kate..for thinking about me. You're amazing.

I might blog more often..who cares if my English isn't perfect? ;)
After all..this has to be mostly for me,right? ;)



my stories

Elizabeth.

1:23 AM




Elizabeth is the protagonist of my silly little stories. She's keeping me company for..8 years now. Wow..where did time go?
That's..a bit shocking,to be honest. I didn't realize I was this..old.
But..who's Elizabeth? How is she like?
Well..I'll try and explain.

Elizabeth is..complicated(like every woman,you would say!)yet so simple.
Elizabeth is a mess inside but,most of the time,she's able to hide it.
Elizabeth can seem frail..but inside she's a tough cookie.
Elizabeth would go into a fire for family and friends.
Elizabeth has suffered a lot..she has been let down by people she cared about..but that made her stronger.
Elizabeth is stubborn. So stubborn that,if she hit her head against a wall,the wall would crack.
Elizabeth likes reading medical journals because she loves medicine so much.
Elizabeth has a major sweet tooth and she's a chocoholic.
Elizabeth likes country music and all those sweet slow pace love songs that make you all mellow inside.
Elizabeth loves reading.
Elizabeth loves food and indulging on a glass of white wine from time to time.
Elizabeth is a domestic goddess in training(Uhm..she still needs loads of training though).
Elizabeth loves her friends.
Elizabeth likes scarves and cardigans and dresses and funny socks.
Elizabeth loves scented candles.
Elizabeth is anxious sometimes..and she's often afraid to be left alone once again.
Elizabeth is kind..maybe too kind. She's polite,maybe too polite. She's sweet,maybe too sweet.
Elizabeth always forgives people. If she makes a mistake,she can't stop saying sorry.
Elizabeth cries often. She cries when she's sad..when she's mad,when she's happy,when she's broken. She's not ashamed of crying in public.
Every time someone does something for her..Elizabeth is amazed by the fact that..that person has actually thought of her.
Elizabeth worries. She worries a lot..when she probably should learn that sometimes it's good and necessary not to give a monkeys about what others think.
Elizabeth loves kids. In fact,she's still a kid at heart who believes in fairytales.
Elizabeth loves coffee and cookies dipped in coffee.
Elizabeth loves people(especially little people,see above) and she likes being able to create a long term relationship with them..that's why she chose pediatrics as her specialty.
Elizabeth can seem dark and twisty sometimes..but deep inside,she still hopes. In fact her daughter's name is Aurore. (Yes..it's French. Elizabeth loves languages.).
Elizabeth doesn't like to give up.
Elizabeth is clumsy.
Elizabeth is insecure.
Elizabeth is haunted by self doubt.
Elizabeth and self esteem don't get along well sometimes.
Elizabeth sometimes is her own worst enemy.
Elizabeth sometimes thinks of herself as a bother,a burden or a charity case.
Elizabeth sometimes feels worthless.
Elizabeth is going through a difficult time right now but she's going to have her happy ending one day..hopefully soon.

Actually..Elizabeth is me.

Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images