ACCORDING TO MY OWN CLOCK...

(Reba McEntire "You're gonna be{..always loved by me}")

Hello,friends!
Long time no blogging(beside the short post from.. 2 Sundays ago? Time flies!)!
Sorry about that but I've been in full study mode since the beginning of last week(with reserved time to dedicate to #selfcare and many breaks..don't worry!) as my exams are quickly approaching.

Please say hi to my best friend these days. He's upset at me because I should be hanging out with him right now but I'm writing this post instead!

But this morning, despite waking up bright and early and having a yummy healthy breakfast,I couldn't get much done due to being sick with a headache plus other stuff. Being sick made me nervous and anxious  resulting in my ability to focus being close to 0.
Ahh,bad me!
I will make up for my laziness after lunch,I promise!

Anyways,let's jump to the purpose of this post,shall we?

Last August, during my weekly grocery shopping trip,I bought 2 huge avocados from my local grocery store.
 After having avocado toast for 3 days straight,I got bored of it.
So I was stuck with half a ripe avocado all alone in my fridge. What to do,what to do?
I didn't want to have it mashed on toast nor I wanted guacamole.
So I thought..
"What if I tried to put into a smoothie? I know people make smoothies with avocados and they always look so delicious!"
I quickly typed "avocado smoothie" and it resulted in a  tons of links to yummy recipes.
One in particular immediately caught my attention.
It called for cocoa powder,banana,avocado and a few other yummy ingredients I could easily get ahold of and   said the end result would taste exactly like chocolate pudding.
Now.. a healthy version of chocolate pudding made within minutes in a blender?
Immediately after I read the recipe,I knew I had to try it.
So I went ahead and made it(I made it by eye,the recipe was where I got my inspiration from) and boom..it really DID taste like rich decadent chocolate pudding!
My family and I had it for dessert after lunch that day and I also gave some to my cousin for dessert that evening...and she asked me for the recipe!
In one word...it was YUMMY.
It tasted like a decadent treat but it was healthy( avocados are healthy because the contain healthy fats but rememeber "everything in moderation",always!)..what more could a girl want?
Since then,I've been making this pudding anytime I have a ripe avocado on hand and that chocolate craving hits.
Last week,I made a paleo single serve 1 minute microvawe brownie(I'll link the recipe for it down below,together with the original recipe for the chocolate pudding) and topped it with the last bit of avocado pudding I had in the fridge.
Oh my..it tasted like heaven!
( I might have had another one for dinner that same evening..shhh,don't tell anyone! I had studied all day long,I needed a treat!).
Now..I think it's better if I stop rambling and share the recipe with you,uh?
Let me know if you make the pudding yourself and if you like it!
Also..I'm working on a big weight loss/healthy eating story post I will  share on here as soon as I have a bit of time to actually sit down at my laptop and turn my thoughts into words.
In it,I'll share my story and my tips about how to start to eat healthier and eventually turn it it into a lifestyle.
For now just know that my motto when it comes to food is  "Moderation,not deprivation"
I'll leave you to the recipe now.

What's your go to healthy recipe when you have a sudden craving for chocolate?
Would you like me to post more recipes in the future?

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CHOCOLATE AVOCADO PUDDING

Original recipe here: AVOCADO CHOCOLATE SMOOTHIE
SINGLE SERVING PALEO MICROWAVE BROWNIE: PALEO MICROWAWE BROWNIE

INGREDIENTS
Makes 2-3 servings
120 g ripe avocado(about 1\2 a medium avocado)
85 g plain greek yogurt(I used Fage 0% fat. 1/2 of one container)
1 TBS maple syrup(you can use honey instead)
2 TBS unsweetened cocoa powder
1  ripe banana(you can also use frozen banana)
30 mL( a dash) dairy or non dairy milk( I use plain soy milk)

DIRECTIONS

Just put everything in a blender and blend it all up on high speed until you get a thick pudding like consistency.
You might need to scrape down the sides of the blender halfway through to make sure everything gets incorporated and well blended together.

Once the pudding is ready,you can spoon it into serving glasses or cups,garnish it however you like(fresh mint,whipped cream,chocolate shavings, nuts,fresh or frozen berries..the sky is the limit!) and serve.
Or you can just eat it by the spoonful directly from  the blender! No judging here.

If you have any leftover,just put in a closed airtight container and pop it it into the fridge.
It lasts for about 2 to 3 days like this.
The avocado will release some of its natural oil but the pudding will still be delicious!

Doesn't that look delicious? (Sorry about the bright lights)

"According to my own clock": the idea behind it.
When I decided to relaunch my blog and make it so it would feature every aspect of my life,I thought a lot about what its new name should be.
The "perfect" name for it popped in my mind right away.
I would have called it " EMY DOES LIFE " exactly like my IG and Twitter handle.
It features my journey through life after all.
But still..even though it seemed perfect and fitting..there was something not quite alright about  it.
So..I kept thinking about possible names for a good hour or more..until I came across a quote on Instagram.

 It was full of truth and just reading it calms me down every time.
Here is what it says:

"I know people who graduated college at 21, and didn't get a salary job until they were 27. I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single. I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else. I know people who love each other and aren't together. There are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they're not. They're living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You're not falling behind, it's just not your time." - Julissa Loaiza
Since not getting into med school and starting biotech 2 years ago..I've been feeling terribly behind,not just academically speaking(I am behind in that department,sadly) but generally speaking.

To this day I still don't have my driving license(I'm able to drive a normal car..it's a paperwork issue..it's as though they've never meet someone with CP wanting to learn how to drive! I feel like an alien or something!),I've never been in a relationship(not that I'm particularly worried about that. You can't force love. When it comes,it comes.),I've never had a part time job(I won a pretty big scholarship though and was able to buy my family presents with my very own money. That was exciting!)..nor have done anything "you're supposed to do" in your teens.
I spent my teenage years locked up in my bedroom studying because "if you do really well in school,then you have more chances of getting into med school" and because it was my duty and my job.
Then I burned out,didn't make it to Med School and got depressed..having missed out on so many things.

Now I'm in biotech..and even though I'm trying my best,most of my professors and classmates are awesome and I know I'm where I should be..I can't fall in love with it. I'm studying and trying but tiny things scare me and my GPA sucks.
Comparison is lurking more than ever and it still makes me feel like crap most of the time.

I  feel selfish and horrible because I still love medicine and I still want to be a doctor.
Some days I feel so positive and ready for med school,some days my goals seem far and unrealistic.
Some days I look at my shadow or at my walker and I get this urge to cry for hours.
Some days bad things  I've been told keep echoing in my head and drive me crazy.
Some days I loathe myself.
Some days,like today,I pray I manage to send a friend recordings via Dropbox because  "she's so perfect" and I don't want to see her unless it's strictly necessarily .
Some days I want to take my MCAT question bank off the shelf and do some practice questions but then I start feeling sad and let it go.
Same goes for my cheap blue stethoscope.
 Some days I get overwhelmed by stuff and school and the future.
Some days I hate medical students,just because I wanna be in their shoes.

"Look at x,she graduated at 21 and married at 30 and did this,this and this. She's awesome. There's NO WAY I will be able to do what she did in that time frame therefore I suck so bad".
Tears to follow.
Comparison can really ruin your life.

But..as the quote says..people are different and do things differently.
In different ways and taking their time.
According to their own clock.

That's what I'll try to do with my blog.
Documenting my journey through life.
According to my own clock.

Laura

 Elizabeth 

I had just texted Laura another time when I heard her voice calling me.
We were late but we could still get to the hospital on time.
-Mum! -she called- Mum!
-I'm getting down,sweetie! -I yelled back- Just a sec!
I  had been trying buttoning up my cardigan for the past 15 minutes or  so,while waiting for her,with no success.I wanted to try one last time.
I took a deep breath.
I tried and I finally managed to button up half of it first,then the other half as well.
-I did it. -I whispered- I did it! Yes!
Laura ran into the room and put one arm around my shoulders.
-What's wrong? -she asked me- Are you hurt? Why did you scream?
-I'm alright. -I smiled -I buttoned up my cardigan. See?
She looked at it and smiled.
-Very good. I knew you could do it.
-Well..I didn't. 
-Come on,let's go now. -she said- I  have something to ask you.
-What is it,baby? -I caressed her cheek- Are you alright?
-Of course. I just need a favour.-she paused- But now we really need to get going.
We got in the car and Laura started driving.
-How are you today,Laur?-I asked her- All okay?
-I'm okay. Just tired.
The sun had started bothering my eyes. I grabbed my sunglasses from my purse and I put them on.
-You look a bit like a diva..-Laura giggled- Those sunglasses are amazing.
-I  love them..but I'm afraid I got too old to wear them by now. -I sighed-  I'll give them to you once we get home...if you want them. They'll look  great on you.
-You are not old.-she pointed out- Great aunt  Catherine is old,not you. She's like 2 hundred years old..at  least,according to uncle Alex. And another old bat was her sister..great  aunt Muriel.
As soon as she mentioned her,something came up to my mind. An happy memory from almost 40 years earlier.
-A memory came up to my mind..something fun about me and your dad,that maybe  might be a bit TMI for you. Do you wanna hear it?
-Of course.
-When  I married your dad I was almost 31. We both had decided to finish our  fellowships before getting married. So we graduated in May and got  married in June.
We both wanted a family..your dad often said he wanted a football team of our own.
We started trying right after the wedding because I had convinced myself my time was running low.
But..despite  trying and trying and trying again..nothing was happening. I was so sad  and frustrated. I had once again convinced  myself it was my fault.  I  even had  several blood works done..to check on my hormones levels.  Everything was normal..according to those and to my OB and auntie Emma.  -I paused- One night,I couldn't sleep. So I took my blood work and I  went to the library we had in the house. I sat on the couch there,took  my old textbooks and started reading through them,while going over my  labs again. Your dad came in almost an hour later..I remember it was 4  in the morning. I broke down in his arms..saying it was my fault because  I was old. He held me and told me  his aunt Muriel was old,not me.
-I didn't know about this. -she said- Well..sorry if it took me a while to come,I guess.
She smiled at me.
-That  night..your dad convinced me we needed to take a break and I  reluctantly agreed. So we did take a break.-I paused- One night,we had  come back from an Halloween party at the hospital and..
-Ewwww! TMI!
-You're right,sorry. -I smiled- In the end you came..our beautiful precious baby girl.
You took your sweet time but once I first held you in my arms..everything was worth it.
I paused.
-God  only knows what I told your dad when I was in labour! I must have told  him a lot of bad stuff..-I giggled- But I was so blessed to have him  there with me. He spent 20 hours straight rubbing my back,feeding me ice  chips and telling me how much he loved me. I vividly remember at some  point I told him it was all his fault if I was in pain..and he told me I  was right.-I smiled while remembering-
I was in so much pain..it was horrible. Also because I decided to go all natural.
-No epidural or anything? -she was surprised- Wow.
-It  was pretty stupid,actually. Nothing to look up to. -I paused- In fact  right after you were born,I decided I would have got an epidural next  time.
-And you did?
-I couldn't. - I chuckled- I'm always a bit  embarrassed when I tell people why. Since I was a doctor and I had  already had you,I should have known better..
-How?
We stopped at a red light and Laura looked at me.
-What happened?
-It  was a rainy mid October afternoon and I had been forced to leave work  earlier than usual due to a pretty bad lower back pain that had been  bothering me all day long . I was 36 weeks pregnant with Rory at the  time and both your dad and your aunt Laurie forced me to go back  home,lay down and relax. Auntie Amy picked you up from daycare and the 3  of us went home. Auntie Amy then insisted to take care of the chores  and to watch you so that I could try and sleep for a bit. So I got into  comfy clothes and started watching House MD reruns in bed.
-You are such a workaholic nerd..-Laura teased me-...my gosh..
-I  was,uh? -I paused- Anyways..I relaxed and Aunt Amy took you to her  place for the night. Then your dad came home,we had dinner..watched some  tv and called it a night.
The light turned green and Laura resumed driving.
-Then?
I could feel how curious she was,just from her voice.
-Then..around  4 30 that night..an excruciating pain in my lower back and lower  abdomen woke me up. I felt that the sheets under me were soaked. -I  paused- I figured out that the baby was coming and I panicked. I still  don't know how I managed to move,get up and get dressed. I was so  scared.
I woke up your dad,in tears. He too was scared but he  comforted me and told me everything was going to be alright. He got  dressed and called your Aunt Laurie,to tell her we were going to the  hospital. Thankfully she was on call and she told us to go straight to  L&D where she would meet us.
I paused again.
-At that point,I  was in so much pain that I could barely walk..deep inside I knew  something wasn't quite right. I was shaking from top to toe..I remember  your dad had to carry me to and into the car.
We lived max 10 minutes away from the Brigham..but to me,that night,those 10 minutes seemed like an eternity.
I was in so much pain..breathing didn't help one bit..and I was so scared because I was only 36 weeks along.
Once we finally got to the hospital,I was feeling terrible.
In the ED,they got me in a wheelchair,paged aunt Laurie and rushed me to L&D.
There,aunt Laurie checked on me and she told me the baby was crowning.
-Really?-Laura said- How was that even possible?
I smiled at her.
-I  remember I said the same exact thing. Aunt Laurie told me I probably  had been in labour all afternoon and didn't notice.-I paused- She told  me it could happen and that it was very common but I felt  horrible..because I hadn't noticed it and I could have put your sister  in danger.
Although I was in so much pain,I remember I insisted on being hooked up to a fetal monitor..but there wasn't time.
The only thing I could do was getting the baby out as soon as possible.
-That  must have been scary. -Laura commented- I can't even imagine. At this  point,I'm even more grateful I decided on scheduled C-sections.
-You should be. -I giggled- Thankfully, I was able to get her out in a matter of 20 minutes or even less.
I will never forget how relieved I felt when I heard her crying and screaming out of her lungs.  
She was healthy,but,since I was a paediatrician, I insisted they took her to the NICU to keep an eye on her overnight.
  After she was born I had other issues myself and quite a bad time..but thankfully everything went well in the end.
-Are. - Laura pointed out.
-What,sweetheart?
-You said " I was". You are still a paediatrician.
I held back a sigh.
-So no epidural for me. 
-I hope you had one with Henry,then.
I sighed.
-I didn't,actually. -I paused- So..what did you want to ask me?
-I  was wondering whether you could watch the kids for a couple of hours  this afternoon..-she quickly looked at me- ..I..have some stuff to get  done.
I couldn't believe my ears. Had she really just asked me that?
She  hadn't left me the kids since..ages. She always said she didn't need  help or that the kids were too much trouble for me since I needed to  "relax,take it easy and recover" or so she said..quoting both  my  PM&R and  my neurologist.
I suspected Rory had something to do  with her finally trusting me again. Rory knew me so well..she had  probably understood that I was feeling useless.
-Mum? Hello?!?- Laura's voice brought me back to reality.
I grinned at her. I was so happy I wanted to hug her. I was so grateful  I wanted to cry.
-Really? -I said - Do you trust me with them?
-Of course..-she replied,almost annoyingly - You're still their Nana,after all. And you're a doctor on top of that..so..
I wanted to scream "Thank you,thank you,thank you" at the top of my lungs but I tried to stay calm.
-Oh and..Timmy has to do a science project about the human body..due on Monday. Could you help him?
At  that point I was so happy I could burst. I felt tears in my eyes..and I  was thankful for the fact that I had my sunglasses on.
- So... I get to spend the afternoon with the kids and to teach them stuff about the human body? I'm on cloud nine,here!
I grinned again.
-Bring them over to my place after school. -I could barely contain my excitement- I'll take care of them.
-Sold.
I couldn't stop smiling.




 

Hello friends!
So this morning I slept in,mostly because my bed was so warm and I didn't want to leave it.
I also had an an anxiety attack over school but..well,let's forget about it,shall we?
Anyway..my growling stomach forced me out on my warm bed.
I had planned to have toast with peanut butter,banana and honey for breakfast.
Clean and delicious,right?
Mmmm..I was so looking forward to it.
But then I walked into the kitchen and saw my cousin had bought Nutella croissants.
And..who was I to say no to those?
One croissant never killed anyone,right?
I also made myself a cinnamon latte with espresso and a lot of foam.
Mmmm..it was just what I needed on a super cold day.
When I want a comforting drink,my homemade cinnamon latte is my go to.
It never fails to make me feel better.
It's so creamy and warm and cinnamon-y. It tastes like it's decadent but it's healthy because it's made with skim milk(or non dairy milk) and no sugar.
I'll share with you how I make it in another post  if you want.
Anyways..I had a Nutella croissant with a cinnamon latte on the side.
Ahhhh..it was so yummy.
Every once in a while you just need that chocolate fix,you know?






Anyways..while I was eating my yummy breakfast,I saw that it was snowing outside.
Everything was covered with snow..it looked so magical.
I've never seen  that much snow in my entire life..it never snows where I live. Like..ever.
After spending some time looking at the snow falling,I removed myself from the window and went to my room.
I got my calming fairy lights on,filled my favourite water bottle with water and prepared to get some studying done.
Since I had my laptop in front of me,I figured I would complete a task I've been putting off for a while now: check the dates available to sit my exams.
I don't know why but my university website portal has always filled me with dread..and every time it takes me some time to convince myself to check it.
Yeah..anxiety is bad.
But  the portal doesn't scare me as much as it did 2 years ago..so it will scare me less and less each time until it won't scare me anymore.
It's all about baby steps,right?
After checking the options,I sort of made a schedule and then I started studying.

But my mum called me because it was time to.. *drum roll* go outside and play in the snow!!
My garden was all covered in soft,white snow.
I had never seen that much snow in my life..it felt like a dream.
We took pictures of that wonderful winter wonderland, walked around(my walker worked even in the snow! ) and had a snowball fight.
My hands froze but it was totally worth it.
I had so so much fun!
Seriously..look how amazing it was!
Pretty dreamy looking,uh?
It looked and felt like a fairytale.







After that we had lunch(lots of veggies!!) and then we bundled up in front of the fireplace and watched funny movies(Checco Zalone rules!) while eating snow drizzled with maple syrup( it's delicious! Have you ever tried it?) and now we're about to have homemade pizza for dinner.

And do you know what the best part is?
It should snow again tomorrow and that means my cousin is gonna stay with us for another day.
He lives north(1000 km away from me)and I don't see him that often.
He works for the Red Cross and he's one of my biggest supporters when it comes to my goal of becoming a doctor.
He gave me a stethoscope for me to practice taking blood pressure manually.
He gifted me freedom in the form of my walker.
He showed me I could drive.
As I said..he's one of my biggest supporters.

Yesterday he surprised us and brought me one of the party favours he and his team gave away at a Red Cross party.


It's a  tiny handmade wooden toy ambulance on tiny wheels. Isn't that the cutest?
He brought two of them..one for my family and another just for me.
I'll keep it on my desk..for it to act as motivation for me to achieve my goal of becoming a physician.

All in all,it was a great relaxing day.

Do you like snow?
Does it snow often where you live?
What's your favourite comfort drink to have on  a cold morning?

Hello,friends!
Long time no blogging!
Thanksgiving in the US was last Thursday and even though I(unfortunately)am not from the US therefore don't celebrate,I have only one thing on my mind right now: Christmas!!

This year I really wanna enjoy Christmas to the max,like I've always written in my stories but actually never done before.
I wanna shower my loved ones and my friends with love and presents,decorate the house,take care of each and every little detail and just try to enjoy every moment!
I decided I will go to the Midnight Mass this year as well since I haven't been able to go in a while.
I also have my Christmas outfit picked out..and praying they put on sale the shoes I decided to wear under it.
Any girl with CP knows that finding a  pair of shoes that are both cute and CP friendly can be hard so..I'm really hoping they go on sale.
I usually am not this picky with outfits or shoes but I wanna look cute for once,even if it's just to spend Christmas Day at home with my family.

Well..besides the boring girl talk up there,my mind is all set on Christmas right now.
I just want to decorate the house,buy people presents(either in person or online..God bless Amazon! 
Speaking of which,is anyone  out there  in love with the Amazon delivery guy?
Just me? Okay)..play Christmas carols (Andrea Bocelli's are my favourites) and sing to them,write Christmas scenes,wrap Christmas presents(or rather,practice doing that! ) and..bake cookies!

Now..since starting a journey to  the best and healthiest version of myself last May (more about this coming in the next post) I got closer to the kitchen and started cooking for myself.
By  no means I am good at cooking or baking but now I can cook myself a nice healthy meal.
I also learned how to peel/cut fruit and veggies..something that I wasn't able to do before.
Yay to beating CP!

Last Sunday,I was in this Christmassy mood I told you about.
So I  decided to face my previous fails induced fear of baking and to try out a simple sugar cookie recipe.
I told myself:
"I've been watching Laura Vitale's videos dutifully for 5 years now and know quite a bit of the theory behind baking( two of my characters are pastry chefs so...)..Laura makes it looks so easy..I should just go for it!"
So I did it.
And I just used a bowl,a spatula and a fork..no fancy mixers.
In fact:
1. The blender/food processor I use is broken and mum's is too complicated and heavy for me.
2. I want to learn how to do things "the old fashioned way" before using mixers/fancy equipment. I need to have the basics down first.
3.  I count mixing by hand/kneading as a nice arm workout. And working out equals more cookies later!!
I followed the recipe to the letter,adding some ground cinnamon to it to make it taste Christmassy( I LOVE cinnamon!).
I got mad and frustrated at some point though because I couldn't make cute cut out cookies..they would get misshaped as soon as I tried to lift them up to put them on the cookie sheet.
Fine work is not for me!
After trying to make cute shaped cookies for a bit with not success,I gave up and just took little bits of dough,rolled them into little balls and put them on the cookie sheet.
I then pressed  on them lightly with a fork dipped in flour,to make a bit of a pattern on them.
And off into the oven they went.

When I saw that they were rising and baking nicely in the oven,I actually thought they would taste good for once.
I was just so excited.

So I took the other half of the dough from the fridge and divided it in two.
To one half I kneaded in some cocoa powder and added some crushed hazelnuts and some more cinnamon.
To the other I added oats,dried cranberries and hazelnuts.
I formed that dough into cookies as well and off to the oven they went.

When I saw those too were baking nicely,I was just so happy!
Then my family ate them and told me they were good..and I almost cried.
But the best part was that my brother,who's not into sweets,ate more than one and told me he loved them!

Two days ago,he asked me to make the plain cinnamon cookies again.
So yesterday I got to work and made them.
Same exact recipe,same exact method.
I just rolled some cookie dough balls in cinnamon sugar and some into powdered sugar to make them snickerdoodle like and crinkle cookie like respectively.
Guess what?
They came out better than the first time!
So soft and buttery they melted in your mouth..yum!
My brother ate all the plain cinnamon ones,two or three at a time!
A miracle!
When he came home from school yesterday and saw the cookies he barely let me take a picture..he wanted to dig in right away!
And when my mum asked him what he wanted to eat as a snack before going out with his friends yesterday afternoon he enthusiastically said: "cookies!".
Unbelievable.
I can't describe how happy I am when I see him happily munching on the cookies I made.
My mum loved the snickerdoodle ones and the crinkle ones and ordered me some more.

Long story short my family polished off all the cookies I made yesterday and now our cake stand is empty..such a sad sight.

Anyways..I'll leave you the recipe down below if you wanna try to make the cookies yourself.

Off to bake some more cookies I go now..so my brother can have them for breakfast tomorrow!

Do you  like Christmas?
Do you like cooking/baking?
What are your favourite cookie recipes?

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From the outside to the inside: plain cinnamon,cocoa hazelnut and oat cranberry sugar cookies