"Comparison is the thief of joy".
Who hasn't heard this saying at least once in their life?
It is a very wise,truthful and meaningful thought indeed.
I just wish it was easier for me to remember about it and to apply it to my daily life.
As far as I remember..I've always compared myself to other people..especially in school.
I've always tried to be the best or at least among the best people in my class. And I was,most of the time.
Being good at school let me help my other classmates with homework and this was my favorite thing to do.
I would spend hours on the phone with a friend..explaining to her what this or that meant or how to translate this or that from Ancient Greek or Latin.
I just loved doing that..I felt like I had a place in my class..like I were..useful.
Then I graduated.
I got into my program...and I started struggling.
I wasn't among the best anymore. I wasn't the one to whom people asked for help anymore.
I was used to ask people for help with my walking and such..but the times I had asked help with homework were very few.
Comparison started becoming more and more present in my mind as the day went by. It was like an annoying voice I had at the back of mind that gradually got louder and louder.
Initially it was just a whisper,then it slowly turned into a loud scream that filled up my mind and made me unable to think about anything else...anything else than how worthless I was compared to other people
Here is what that evil voice told me(and still tells me):
" Do you see that girl there?
She's so beautiful. She's so sweet.She's so kind.
She has a boyfriend and they seem so perfect together. Kids love her,she teaches little girls ballet.
She can cook and bake.
She's so clever..she loves math..she's so good at it that she tutors kids.
She writers poems. She's..amazing.
And you?
You are the complete opposite.
You..hate math. You're anything but beautiful. You're not sweet..at least not outside of your stupid writing.
You can't write poems..only other..uhm..stuff. You don't have the courage to publish them because you can't stand harsh judgement.
You are nothing compared to her or to anyone of your friends.
You are nothing."
Sometimes this voice becomes so strong and so annoying that everything acts as a trigger. I am forced to take a break from Twitter.
I get quiet...because the voice tells me I should do my best to become invisible.
My writing becomes sad.
I become sad.
Comparison sucks.
Comparison is the thief of joy,indeed.
If only I remembered about it more often.
