When I was little,I remember I never said I wanted to be a princess who wanted to marry Prince Charming and to live happily ever after with him in a castle.

I do remember  I dressed up as a doctor when I was five.

I remember I always answered the famous "what would you like to do when you're older?" with "I'd love to become a doctor".

I've been wanting to become a doctor my all life pretty much. Maybe it's because I saw a lot of doctors during my childhood and I fell in love with it.

 With medicine. With fixing people and helping them out.

I remember I was always fascinated after my dozen of doctors' appointments...and I always had to run to books/Internet in order to understand what they had told me.

 I was just fascinated and I wanted to know..to find out more and more stuff.

When I was 14/15 I fell in love with hematology..due to a book that I had read. I would spend hours to read and do research..I was(still am) so interested in the topic.

I always had As in biology due to my passion for medicine and my studying.

Plus,I always loved kids,even though they seem not to like me.  

Then..a kid I know was diagnosed with leukemia,and I started thinking about specializing into peds or pediatric hem/onc.

I know pediatrics,especially pediatric oncology is a tough specialty and it requires you to be strong.

I can keep it together most of the times,but I don't know if I am strong enough for that kind of career.

I have been told that being a physician isn't a realistic career for me.

At first I was mad...I cried for days and I was basically depressed.

 I still get really sad and mad if I think of it and my thoughts go to it anytime I go wrong with the slightest thing.And it's bad.

Now that I am at university,I am having an hard time,I'm trying my best but I'm struggling so bad.

Chemistry and Physics problems are gonna be the death of me. The highest grade I got was a bit.

I was so ready for my biology exam Monday but I forgot to sign up for it because I was so fed up with revision and now I can no longer take it.

Yay for me and how clumsy and stupid I am.

Yay for all the people who are gonna take the exam just because they studied less than I did and actually remembered to sign up for it on time.

Yay for all the people who don't know what's this or that but are still going to score higher than me on the exam.

Yay for my mum who told me I'm "not normal" once again.

Yay for my feeling like a failure all the time.

Yay for that person that person that broke me..thank you. Really needed that.

Yay for my need for help all the time.

Yay for the people who do medicine for money.

Yay for my being horrible.

Yay for my not knowing what's realistic and what isn't for me anymore.

If I were to tell people I wanted to be a princess now,I think they would tell me to go for it because that's more realistic than becoming a doctor.