As many of you know,I have CP. I was diagnosed with it when I was 2. I learned how to walk when I was 4.

Almost 1 year ago my cousin got me an awesome walker and thanks to it,my CP doesn't bother me that much anymore.

I no longer need people to hold my hand when I walk but I'm still scared of going out of the house alone because  of sidewalks and steps and other barriers that I have to learn how to deal with.

My CP and I are getting along now,kind of.

I learned that I've been lucky because there are so many more severe kinds of it.

Pediatrics is one of my favorite specialties..and a part of me would love to become a pediatric neurologist..to treat kids who have CP like I do.

Sometimes I'm angry at my CP.

I'm angry at it because I can't do the same things other people do. I can't run fast.

I can stand up with no support for a long period of time without having my legs turning into jelly. A month ago I was trying to mop the floor and I had to stop because my legs were shaking and hurting.

I felt so useless...I cried.

 I want to learn how to be independent,how to do the cleaning and the cooking and..just how to take care of myself and to help my mum in the process as well.

I'm doing it. Both yesterday and today I cooked part of lunch.

 I can make my own breakfast and sometimes I make dinner.

But sometimes my CP still gets in the way. I still get tired if I stand up for a lot of time.

I still can't carry a cup of coffee from a corner to the room to the other without holding onto things for support.

I can't get into an elevator alone because my walker gets stuck in the way and if the elevator doesn't work I can't do the stairs.

I can't go to the library alone because the access to it and my walker don't get along and because people stare me like I were an alien.

I can't take food from the canteen because I can't carry a tray of food by myself and I don't want to bother other people.

I can't walk in the sand..I'll fall.

I can't stop feeling like a burden to anyone..nor thanking anyone profusely for hours just because they're kind to me..just because they keep me company or help me with the slightest thing.

I can't stop dreading the fact that I'll be left alone once again..even though now I have a few good friends for whom I'd do anything.

I lost the only thing I was good at..school.

Now I'm not really sure I want/can go to Med School anymore.

I love medicine..it's one of my biggest passions. I'm just struggling here and..oh gosh all of this is exhausting.

A part of me want to fly to the UK,finally meet some friends and have a break.

A part of me dreads every bit of the idea...traveling alone,not being able to pay for my trip myself.

I feel selfish and stupid..there are so many amazing people out there.

And then there's me.