I had a couple of very good days..although I've been feeling very sleepy all the time and I couldn't do much revision.

Today I really need to revise a lot and I'm kinda looking forward to it.

This week has been quite productive...on the non revision side of things,at least.

Of course I felt down last Tuesday..but I was prepared. I've just tried to keep myself as busy as possible,so that would be less painful,I guess.

I did some revision,a lot of chores(I found out I love doing laundry!),I finally sent out some packages(yay!) and I finally conquered my fears and anxieties and got some uni related stuff done.

Yes,it's lame..but going on my uni's website makes me super anxious,I have no idea why.

I also broke down on Friday afternoon..cried for a good hour and told my mum everything or almost everything

I told her about how I feel,about what my silly brain tells me from time to time,about how I don't like uni that much..about peer pressure and,most importantly,about how much I  love medicine and I want to do that in life.

Surprisingly,I found out she wasn't mad about it a couple of days ago. Apparently,she was worried about me.

I told her why I decided not to apply this year and how difficult has been for me to take such decision.

And how difficult has been for me to find out that I could have done a lot better than last time on that stupid admission test.

I told her that sometimes my brain tells me that I am "just me",I'm stupid and worthless and I can't do anything because I feel like I am never "enough".

I told her I knew that everyone has those feelings sometimes and that self doubt is human...but I feel like they crash me and play with me in any way they want..because sometimes I  have absolutely no control over them.

I told her sometimes it's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because I feel like there's no point. Because I lost hope and I'm sick.

I told her I've never talked to her about it before because I didn't want her to worry.

She told me I am amazing and caring and that I can do whatever I want.

She told me to try and get my degree even though I don't like it. I can and I will apply again to med school next year of after I graduate.

She also told me I can move to England after I graduate..so..whooohoo.

I don't really know if or how I'll do it but..I think the UK is definitely in my future..if not for moving there(and hopefully doing medicine there,maybe? *dreams*) at least for a long vacation.

I'm British at heart after all!

After we talked I felt a lot lot better. I actually couldn't stop dancing!

Today I feel more confident.

I feel like I actually have a chance and can become a doctor and do what I love.

I actually could write a happy-ish scene later. Because,let's say it, grey sad Liz is truly no fun.

I have a couple of ideas in mind and I think I finally picked out a name for the new character. But that's gonna be a secret until I write the "last" scene..that I'll probably publish on here if I can.

Soon I'll do the Starlight Award thing..I'm finally feeling up to it,I think. Thank you,Kate..for thinking about me. You're amazing.

I might blog more often..who cares if my English isn't perfect? ;)

After all..this has to be mostly for me,right? ;)